Monday morning I woke up to the news of my Uncles death. I wasn’t close to him and most of my memories are from my childhood. But I still feel this disconnection. I’ve never been good at handling death and I am always the last one to visit friends/family in the hospital. It’s not that I don’t care, I care more than I can express. I think part of it is I don’t know how to process and deal with people close to me being sick and dying.
I have tried writing this week and have come to a road block. My thoughts feel smothered and it’s like a fog has consumed my mind. I feel stuck in a cycle of dark places, grouchy, snapping at my husband and children for no apparent reason, and just not like myself. I don’t like feeling this way and I am struggling to come out of it.
What makes this worse is I know if I just ran, I would feel better. I would find myself through the rhythmic pounding of my shoes hitting the ground… but I can’t find the motivation. I couldn’t find it yesterday and today I woke up the same.
My husband stayed home today and is letting me run off to the gym without the kids. I am hoping a cycling class will kick my motivation up and help me feel more like myself. Wish me luck!!